The Thorns in my Feet

This last weekend, I watched the movie Amazing Grace with my oldest daughter. This movie chronicles the life of William Wilberforce, a man who dedicated himself to the abolition of Great Britain's slave trade in the 18th Century. This is one of the best movies I've ever fucking seen, and regardless of your religious persuasion, I heartily recommend it. When Wilberforce entered Parliament he was 21 years old. He was young and full of vigor and dreams. But year after year as he introduced his Bill to abolish the slave trade, and year after year as it was defeated, he became haunted by nightmares filled with the slaves that he felt he had failed to save. He became discouraged and angry and his health began to suffer. At one point in the movie Wilberforce is running through the grass with his friend William Pitt, who was consequently Great Britain's youngest Prime Minister ever at 24 years of age. They are racing in their bare feet, and their heaving breath is warm and forms clouds in the air as it meets with the cold. Pitt knows that Wilberforce is discouraged, and as they walk away from the race he says, "Why is it that I only feel the thorns in my feet when I've stopped running?"

And all I could do at that point was to sit there and say, "damn." You know, I believe that each of us has a purpose. Granted maybe we're not all going to be Prime Minister or work to make the laws in our country, but a purpose is a purpose no matter what it is. Our world is affected each time someone achieves their purpose, just as it is affected each time a purpose is ignored or brushed aside. Maybe your purpose is to be a great parent. Or maybe it is to be a great teacher or a great friend. And maybe you're like me. Maybe you know what your purpose is and maybe you've just decided that you're trapped in your own life and your purpose just can't happen. But what the hell is that all about anyway? I can only be trapped if I give my permission to be trapped. And honestly, that's what I've been doing. I've been walking around on the grass feeling the thorns pierce the bottom of my feet, all the while making a million excuses for why I can't do what I believe I was put here to do. Really, I'm just being a giant chicken shit.

I've only got this one life. I've got one chance to run the race and make a fucking difference. Yes, my life today is not what I planned for when I dreamt about my future. Life has thrown me a million curve balls, and none of them have been easy. But why am I letting them define me? Why CAN'T I achieve my purpose? I really have no excuse. None.

William Wilberforce kept running. Even when he was all alone, even when his health was failing him, even when he had been defeated over and over and over again. And you know what? His purpose was fulfilled. He lived to see Great Britain abolish it's slave trade. What would have happened had he given up? What would have happened if he had decided to walk along letting the thorns pierce his feet?

And what the hell am I waiting for? It's time to run, dammit!