in need of some libation

today is one of those days where large quantities of alcohol seem like an absolute necessity. sadly, i don't have any alcohol at the moment.
i normally deal very well with stress. i mean, lets face it folks; my lifestyle means that stress is a given. most days i tough it out and come out on the other side feeling a-ok. today i feel like the next person that talks to me might get their eyeballs gouged out with an icepick. okay, so not really. the point is that today is one of those days where i've just had enough. so of course that means it is also a day where work is crazy and my kids have apparently forgotten how to listen and have become the spawn of satan.
exercise would be good right now. but i can't take a run because my oldest child is not home, and even in my mentally disturbed state, i still realize it is a bad idea to leave 3 children ages 7 and under at home alone. the house might be a big pile of ash when i returned. and no, i don't do exercise with dvd's. i need fresh air. truth be told i haven't had the time to run in months. with the schedule that we keep around here i'm going to have to start getting up at the asscrack of dawn every fucking morning if i want to get a run in. and i'm not a morning person at all. i hate morning, in fact.
sex would be great too. but i'm kinda tired of the solo kind, and it's not like there are any hot men knocking down the door. and i think i'm hot, so i'm not sure why i'm currently stuck in an involuntary 6 year bout of celibacy. celibacy sucks. sex is good. at least i think i remember it being good.
so obviously that only leaves booze. and i don't fucking have any. excellent.

what i know

for me, the hardest thing about writing is to decide what to write about. sometimes i have so many ideas swirling around in my head that making sense of them is nearly impossible. and sometimes i have no ideas at all. perhaps the best piece of advice i was ever given in order to conquer writer's block, is to simply write about what i know. and so for today, this is what i know.
i know that for perhaps the first time in my life, i am so comfortable with myself that i truly like being me. my thirties are my favorite decade so far.
i know that i fiercely love and cherish my children and that even though i struggle so thoroughly with this thing called motherhood, it is the most meaningful thing i will ever do.
i know that even with all of the stress and extra work that comes with being a single parent, i am so completely thankful that i get to raise my children alone. there is a peace that i have as a single mom that i never ever had as a married mom.
i know that there is more for me in this life than working a government job. i am thankful for a steady job that enables me to take care of my responsibilities, but i know with everything that is in me that there is something else out there for me. and it is spectacular.
i know that i love the smell of rain in the spring and the smell of brisk cool air in the fall.
i know that sushi is good and that i love wine.
i know that a good laugh can give me that extra push that i need to make it through a rough day.
i know that there is no replacement for the love of a good family and good friends.
i know that i love to cook and that there is comfort in what ultimately happens when i mix yeast with flour and water.
i know that i will get past this. that i have to get past this. because there are words inside of me that are fighting their way out.

enough

i am a writer working a government job. that makes me no less a writer. it is my fear that makes me less a writer.