Well This is Embarrassing

So here is a confession. I haven't been to this blog in almost seven years, and for the better part of those seven years, I forgot this blog was even a thing. Saying that sounds so clever in a way. Yes, my life has been so full and busy and beautiful that I forgot I was trying to find myself and I didn't ever feel the need to write at all. What a crock of shit. On the one hand, my life has always been full and busy and beautiful. Never easy, but always beautiful. On the other, my willingness to forget about who I really am and who I really want to be has led me down a path that I'm not proud of. When we attempt to run away from ourselves there are always consequences. In my case that means an eating disorder and weight gain. Awesome. Don't get me wrong. There is not anything inherently wrong with a fat body. There are all different kinds of bodies and all of them are okay. But the eating disorder? Yeah, there is something wrong with that. The hate for my body and complete disregard for all the wonderful things it can do? There is something wrong with that too. And it is not strange at all that as I have spent the better part of the last year learning to appreciate and even love my body just as she is while marveling at her powers and abilities, I have also been feeding my spirit's desire to make things and to meditate and to write. Learning to be completely okay with whoever and whatever you are? Yes, there is such power in that. Onward.